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It took forever. It took everything I had and the other team to be full of terrible players but I did it. I got the M.O.A.B. I killed 24 people in one life. It was probably the most intense thing I have done in ages. I’m a little ashamed to say that but it’s true. You just invest so much into it and there’s this huge rush when you get it. Everything is just so intense, double rainbow intense you might say, and it’s the most fun I’ve had playing that game.
I was on Carbon, a map which I actually kind of like and I was using the MP5. I came one kill off of getting the M.O.A.B once before and it was Carbon as well, so I always felt the expectations rise a little when I go into that map. Anyway, the games before had been pretty lacklustre, hit my specialist bonus a couple of times but nothing greater than twelve kills. So, I wasn’t prepared for it but I did have some nice music going and I felt a small rush.
I started the game pretty nicely with a couple of close kills before being shot in the back. I came out again, got some pay back and then was promptly cut down. So, I charge out a third time, straight into a double kill. After that it was just me trying to hit specialist and after what felt like a goddamn century I hit it, that’s when shit got intense. Ever since my first close M.O.A.B call on Carbon, I count my kills after I hit specialist. Just, ‘8, 9, 10,’ etc, and usually it stops after 10. This time it kept going and by the time I hit 18, I could barely see from the adrenaline.
There was a couple of really close calls but I kept my cool and ran from those battles, moved and out-flanked people. I lost count around 22 because shit was massively intense. I knew I was close but just not how close. I went down those stairs in that generator like room and run into a guy. Fuck knifing, I just open up with the MP5 and down he goes.
‘M.O.A.B awaiting your mark,’
‘FUCK YEAH! SHIT YEAH! HOO RAH BITCHES! HOO-FUCKING-RAH! DOMINATING!’
Called it in as soon as I could, ran around to finish off a couple of guys and then got picked off by some guy in a long sight line. By that stage I couldn’t care less. I had my big bomb and I was smiling in all my bracered glory.
I think my music played a nice role, keeping me focused on killing and distracted from the streak itself.
I had that song going the entire time. I mean the song ended and I just flipped it back on. It was my lucky charm and I like it.
Now, I can stop playing that damn game.
I tried to sit here and write up a post about something. Anything really. I wanted to sit and have a good ol’ fashioned rant. So, I went looking for stuff. I saw some interesting potential subjects but when I tried to write about them, I had a case of the conscious. I was happy until I realised that I was really just having a crack at something useless.
I was going to yell about some blog which tells the story of a sexually coerced person. I was going to just rant about everyone that reblogged it and commented with shit. Then I got caught about by my conscious. What if it is legit? Then what the fuck am I doing? Supporting a rapist. Greaaaaaaaaaaaaat. The only thing I could really yell about would be the overreaction and massively defamatory method this person has undertaken. I mean the victim here is putting posters up which calls this guy a rapist and tells people where he is and the like. Now, that’s probably only just counter-productive, gives the guy a counter case if anything actually does happen and when you factor in the time period, any case that does emerge will be the victim’s word against the supposed attacker’s.
So, that was ruled out.
I moved on to the ‘Suicide Hotline! Reblog this and save someone’s life!’ picture that’s getting the reblog treatment. My first reaction was the same as I had to the ‘Reblog and stop Cancer!’ thingo. It’s just, ‘HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES REBLOGGING A PICTURE STOP CANCER? IS IT MAGIC? IS IT A MAGICAL PICTURE? NO,’. Problem is reblogging the suicide hotline could actually save someone’s life. I still kinda believe that if a person is really out to kill themselves, and not just make a last ditch attempt at getting attention, then they’re just going to do it. No fuss, no muss. Just straight down to it. But… then again it could work. At the very least it could stop an attention seeker from actually succeeding by accident or something.
So, that’s that up in flames.
Disappointed in my diminished ability to yell at potentially controversial topics, I checked my facebook. There was a post which said, ‘Cute Date’ and tags the happy couple. Bingo. That’s like the ultimate in yelling material right? Nope. I was starting my big, ‘WHO THE FUCK CARES?’ rant and then stopped. I thought to myself, ‘People could, and probably do, say the same thing about my posts,’. It was like a magic trick. One second, there’s an idea and BANG! Next second, it’s out the fucking window.
I suppose I could yell about ‘cute’ (Seriously, what gives with that?) or people who post couple shit on their Facebook like they need to validate their dating by getting likes on Facebook to show how much people approve. Isn’t a date supposed to be a private and intimate thing? Just you two? Why bother tagging yourselves in and sharing it with everyone?
Eventually, I settled on ranting about failed rant ideas. How’s that for originality? I mean I could probably just start a shit storm by going around on people’s Facebook posts and saying, ‘Why post this? Do you really feel this way? Or are you just an attention whore?’ and then just running but that’s exhausting.
Ahh fuck it.
Every so often, you feel like doing something. You feel restless and a little hyper. You want to go see people, spend money and talk to people. You feel this overwhelming sense of boredom and a need to socialise.
Or at least I do.
The problem is, usually, when I feel like this it seems that all my friends suddenly have other plans. They’re out and about or they don’t want to hang out. They’re running counter to what you want. They don’t feel bored and they don’t really wanna socialise.
Or at least that’s what happens to me.
This scenario is never very good because you start thinking and then you start over-thinking. ‘Why is no one doing anything tonight?’ you think. You feel like doing stuff, it’s a weekend, shouldn’t other people be feeling the same? Of course. That’s when you start over-thinking.
‘What if theyare doing stuff? What if they are doing stuff without me? What if there’s a reason for the silence?’ you think.
And from there, you spiral into all kinds of crazy crap. Have you pissed them off? Are they cutting you out? Did they ever really like hanging out with you? Do they have other friends?
I mean, I don’t always think like that but it does play on my mind a little, even if it’s just right at the back of my mind.
I’m bored out my gourd, have nothing to do, stuck feeling restless, in need of some new surroundings and my friends are all kind of missing in action. They’ll be back eventually but until then I’m stuck doing nothing, letting the loneliness slowly drive me insane…
Fun way to spend your Saturday =).
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Long story short, friends are amazing. I pretty much have a friend for every occasion. I have friends who are a couple, I have friends who revel in their singleness, I have friends who are sober and friends who are drunk. And, numerically, I don’t have that many but what quantity lacks, quality caters for.
All in all, friends are people that accept you for just being you. They understand, if not share, your flaws and they understand a version of who you are. To be honest, I often wonder how I managed to get friends until I remember that I’m amazing just like they are.
AND THEN IT ALL MAKES SENSE.
What I’m trying to say is, if you have friends tell them that you enjoy their company and that they’re better than regular people. You should do that because you know that you are better than regular people and you wouldn’t associate with anyone but professionals, so therefore they are also better than regular people.
So get some friends. Get some friends so you can share your story with them, share events and appreciate things on a higher level than regular people.
Even if you’re regular, you’re still better than regular.
Paradox? I think so.
If there’s one thing I have been my entire life, it’s single. I’ve never had a serious relationship and dating is a strange and interesting concept to me. There are days I feel lonely, sad and mildly down about being single because it seems like everyone is happy with someone else. Then there are days where I am unbelievably glad to be single, simply because I don’t think I could stand the drama or load of a relationship.
At any rate, I don’t have to worry overly much either way. It’s come to a point where I’m happy to just wait. I’ve tried looking for and chasing relationships but I suck at it. I’m too analytical at times and far too timid at others. That and I like to stay inside the box. Going outside the box is weird and scary. The box is safe and I’m comfy in there.
So, I stick to my old method of waiting for something to just come along. Seems to work for my friends. A lot of them weren’t actually chasing a relationship or working towards them. They just didn’t care and eventually somebody came along. And those that did try to find a relationship were weird and obsessed with the idea.
I’d be totally uncaring if it didn’t seem like I was running out of time. There’s jsut this idea bubbling away at the back of my mind which is saying,
‘Dude, you’re like 19. Never had a serious relationship. Or any relationship really. You wouldn’t know what the fuck to do if you got one. You need some experience. It’s like getting a job, you need some work experience and maybe a casual job and a degree to polish up your resume. If you don’t get that, no one will hire you,’.
And that freaks me out a little. It’s just like I have a deadline before I’m stuck being on my own for all time. That’d suck. I could bear it, I have been doing that for my entire life, but it’d suck.
In many ways, I wish that these things were like jobs. At least then I’d know the process and know the basics. It’d give me something to work on. But I suppose I’m better off just waiting.
Good things come to who wait. And maybe if I wait long enough I just won’t care any more.
At least being single I don’t have drama. I just watch the drama of other couples when we’re all headed out. And that’s every time and it still effects me. I don’t have to worry about watching my drinking. That’s for people who have to share a bed. I can pass out all over mine. I can be funny, I can spend my time the way I want to. Not stuck wondering whether I’m no paying adequate attention to someone.
And that’s why I never am sure quite how to feel about being single.
It might suck but it might also rock. I don’t have anything to compare it to save what I see from others. And that can be good and bad. In the end, it doesn’t matter. I live for me and that’s enough.
If there is one thing I like about Australian culture, it’s our creative and excessive use of the word ‘fuck’. Mind you, this isn’t limited to just Australia but I just feel like we just hear them more. So, I present a list of phrases involving the word ‘fuck’. I’ve got them listed in no particular order but anyway here we go.
1. ‘Cunt’s fucked!’
This can have a couple of meanings and it all depends on tone. If you say this aggressively while pointing at some guy, then you have effectively said that you will beat the shit out of him. If you say it with a tone of bewilderment then it simply means that the person you’re talking about is crazy or about to be beaten horribly. Or drunk, horribly, horribly drunk
Examples: ‘Dude, he slept with your girlfriend!’
‘Dude, look at the guy getting smashed,’
‘Cunt’s fucked,’ *nod sagely*
2. ‘Shit’s fucked’
This means that an event or set of events is in fact ‘fucked,’. Any number of things can be fucked. Someone being hurt, losing your cash, traffic, work and so on. It just means ‘this/that shit is fucked,’.
Example: ‘Dude, hear about that guy who a man’s face while fucked up on drugs?’
‘Yeah. Shit’s fucked,’
3. ‘It’s fucked,’
This just means that whatever it is you’re talking about is broken beyond all repair and your comprehension.
Example: ‘Can you have a look at my computer? It’s not starting up,’
‘Yeah, dude, it’s fucked,’
4. ‘OH FUCK ME!’
This has a couple of meanings, again depending upon tone and circumstance. It may mean you have forgotten something important and just remembered or it may mean that you have just reached the end of your patience with something.
Examples: ‘Dude, did you remember to pick up your girlfriend from work?’
‘OH FUCK ME!’
‘Oh hey look it turns out you need to work for another five hours still!’
‘Oh, fuck me…’
5. ‘Are you fucked or are you fucked up?’
This one is straight forward enough. It deals with you how drunk you are. If ‘you’re fucked’ then you are still okay. Walking, talking and drinking are still well with in your reach. In fact, that’s about all you will be capable of doing. It’s a step above tipsy. If ‘you’re fucked up’ then you are ready to pass out and are just sitting in a chair hoping some kind soul will bring you some water.
Examples: ‘Dude, why are you sitting down? Are you fucked or are you fucked up?’
‘I’m fucked but not yet fucked up,’
‘Good. It’s your drink,’
‘Dude, why are you sitting down? Are you fucked or are you fucked up?’
*random slurring* ‘I’m fucked up…’ *moan and groan*
‘I’ll go get you some water. Light weight,’
I just love how if you say a phrase like, ‘Nah, it’s fucked,’ just about all Australians will instantly catch your meaning and nod sagely. The versatility of the word ‘fuck’ never ceases to amaze me.
Got any phrases to add to the list?